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| Grr. |
| 01.23.04 (11:18 pm) [edit] |
Okay. Recently, I've been good about not bitching. Now, I'll be breaking my 'good' streak. Prepare to hear my Bitching, whining and complaining! (Hey, you asked for it by coming here) Much venting of frusteration in here.
Recently, things have been pretty good... Mostly, anyway. Normal shit. However, last night and today, things have gone down the shitter again. Last night, I fell into another one of the rather bad depressions I'm prone too. And I hate admitting them. Why am I putting it here, then? Because its better to tell someone, and its easier to post to a blog then call up one of my friends. They don't need me dumping on them, they've got plenty of they're own shit to weed through, without me adding to it. Hypocritical? Slightly, but in this day and age we're all hypocrits to a certin degree.
Annnnyways. I was depressed over being so lonely (and I am) as realizing that I will never be enough. For anything. Never enough to live a wonderful dream-fulfilling life, enough to earn much love at all. I mean, shit, I've got problems with getting my mom to even notice me! Which is point two of the depression. Mom hardly notices me anymore. I think I've said all of two paragrahs to her this whole week.
I rode with Linda down to the mexican resturant tonight, and she said it was just horriable how mom favored Eric so much over me. She thinks she's so damn fair, she ISN'T!! And she does! For a good example: When my brother was 17, Mom bought him a 32,000 Camero. He wrecked it before it was a year old. Six months after the demise of the Camero (Which was cool) I asked for 2,500 to go to Europe on with my Latin teacher. It would'a been so cool. But no, she baulked and kicked and hollared. So, my brother, as a 17 year old that had at that point gotten 3 tickets, got a brand new sports car and hardly anything was said when he wrecked it. Yet, when I ask for 2 grand for a European trip, I get all but hung. Fuck that! I am sick of moms shit! I'm SICK of her treating me like I hardly exist!
Now, with this con coming up, I just bet you shes gonna try and find a way out of it. But no! I won't let her! This means alot to me, and be damned if I'll let her get out of it. She promised we'd go, and I want to go in the worst way. And take all my friends with me. Gods beware if she tries to back out, because bad things WILL happen if she does. :evil:
::sad sigh:: But she does favor Eric, obviously so. and it hurts, to know that she'd rather spend time with him then me... I mean, I can certinly understand why. I'm a little bitch, and about as differnt as two people can be. But still.. it does strike deep..
Anyway. Not much else has gone on, crappy days at school and I've got a growing headache.. Ick.. I hate these things..
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| Form Thingy I stole from Randi |
| 01.22.04 (10:59 pm) [edit] |
Part 1 -- The Basics
What's your name? Nikki/ Shinimegami
Birthplace? St. Louis, Missouri
Age? 16
Age you act? Eh, I've been told 18-22 ; Dont buy that one though.
Current location? Smouldering in hell. Wanna make soemthin' of it?!
Eye color? They change color everyday (no. Seriously. Yesterday, they were blue-gray. Today, they're blue-green)
Hair color? Blonde. Natraully bright blonde. -.-; Oh yes. I am a twit.
Right, lefty or ambidextrous? Right.
Zodiac sign? Leo
Height? 5'5
Part 2 -- Describe...
Your heritage/nationality: All over the fucking world. I'm sure you people don't care. Suffice to say, most of Europe American Indian.
Your hair: mid-back length
Your fears: My friends deciding I suck and abandoning me(I know it wont happen, but still) My family dying (I may hate them, but they're all I got) Being humiliated, and Spiders!!!!
Your perfect room: Deep purple walls, with black carpet, big. A futon, plently of space for a massive gaming/DDR/Stero system, and of course my birds ^_^
What you practically do in a day: Lets see.. Much of the fucking dull school, sleeping/drawing in class, Latin, cuss, then get up... And not nessicarily in that order.
Weekends: Sleep most of the damn time.
Part 3 -- What is/are...
Words you overuse? What words do I overuse? ..eh, dunno.
Phrases you overuse: "Fuck that Shit!" "Oh bloody fucking hell"
Your first thought when you wake up? (looks at clock) ..SHIT!!!!!
Your greatest accomplishment? Hmm... Survivng Latin and never getting an F, Getting/keeping some kick ass friends, becoming a fairly decent person in a world filled to overflowing with fucking jckasses.
Something you want to do? Sleep? Oh. With my LIFE... Oooh! Eh, I dunno. Be a Zoo keeper? (Such high aspirations u.u)
Part 4 -- this or that
Pepsi or Coke? Coke! ^_^ Or Dew.
McDonald's or Burger Kings? Wendy's.. Or Steak'n Shake
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera? Britney. I hate both of them greatly, but at least Brit started out not being a total slut.
Chocolate or vanilla? Strawberry or Pineapple (Better then you'd think)
Adidas or Nike? .... shoes?
Black or white? Black, nice'n dark and ...well, cool.
Bills or Coins (Think $)? Bills
Burgers or hot dogs? Burgers babay!
Egypt or France? France... Egypt is cool with the pyramids et all, but I dont like that much sand,
Rock or rap? Alturnitve rock/ Rock
Part 5 -- Do you...
Smoke? Nope, and you shouldn't either, but they're your lungs.
Cuss? Damn fucking straight!
Sing well? Nope...
Sing in the shower? Not really.
Talk to yourself --a lot? Sorta, but as long as I dont answer myself, we're good.
Believe in yourself? Whats this, high self-essteem shit? Bah! I have none of that! In my eyes, I'm hardly worth the air I breath, am ugly, rather unlike-able, an immensly glad my friends think otherwise.
Like taking these longass surveys? eh, not really, but I like this one.
Play an instrument? I'm musically retarded. Next!
Want to go to college? Yeah. If for nothing else then the boose.
Want to get married? Fuck no! I couldnt live with someone and not be deeply annoyed all the time. Plus who'd want to marry me?
Want to have children? No no no!! I dont want kids, and kids dont want me. I'd be a horriable mother.
Think you're a health freak? ::looks around the room of empty soda cans::...Eh, no
Get along with your parents? When I must.
Get along with your siblings? ::laughter:: Suffice to say, No.
Think you're popular? Nope. I would be throughly amazed if someone outside my friends knew my name.
Part 6 -- In the past month have you..
Gone out of state? Nope.
Drank alchohol? Tried it(not this month), rather liked it. But, sadly, I aint legal yet.
Smoke? No, and I have no desire too.
Get high? Does sleeping count?
Done any drugs? I've done the Dew. ALOT.
Eaten an entire box of oreos? No.. That'd be miserable.
Been on stage? Not that I can remember, ever. But its not something I'd rule out. ^^
Gone skinny dipping? Not ever, certinly not in January.
Been dumped?I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dyed your hair? Nope.
Stolen anything? Oh, didnt you notice Air Force One'd gone missin? ..Lol, No..
Part 7 -- Your friends!
Craziest? Giving this one to Olivia.
Loudest? Bill u.u
Most shy? Hnn... Surprisingly, Natalie.
Blondest? Randi. ::nod.::
Smartest? Randi.. x.x That gal is like, Uber smart
Kindest? Agan, Randi.. and Bill (Hes loud and fucking nuts, but he means well)
Best personality? Randi.
Most talented? Hmmm.... I'd have to say the most talented in general is.. Natalie or Andy.
Best singer? We all rather suck.. But.. eh, Andy?
Most ghetto? No such thing as ghetto in my friends.
Drama Queen? Olivia..
Pain in the ass? Bill
The one you just want to strangle to death? None of them, really, but Bill.. Nice guy, means well... Just goes to fucking far.
Funniest? Andy.. or Tom.
Best person for advice? I prefur my own advice, but when I need it, Randi.
Dependable? Randi. Shes always there if I need her.
Trustworthy? All of them, really.
Druggie? Actually, I'm putting my money on Shawn getting addicted to energy drinks.
Most likely to end up in jail? All of us, for one reason or another.
Person you've known the longest? Know Olivia since second grade (and Im a sophmore)
Part 8 -- The Last...
Last dream? Last night, some strange thing involving a crush of mine (Yes, I've got a crush. But I aint telling!!) and Greek Club.
Last nightmare? Dun remember, but it was bad.
Car ride? Long counts as over 2 hours.. That'd be the 2 1/2 hour bus ride down to Lebanon for the Latin Festival.
Last time you cried? I hate admitting it if I cried.
Last movie seen? Eh.. Dun remember.
Last movie rented? 'Brave New World' Good Movie!! Go see it!
Last book read? Sinner, in process of reading Crusader of the the same series.
Last word said? Hi Mum..Dinner smells good.
Last curse word said? Fuck.
Last time you laugh? Today
Last phone call? For me? At least a week.
Last CD played? A techno CD I burned.
Last song you listened to? Hungry Like the Wolf, Duran Duran.
Last annoyance? My mom's boyfriend, Tom.
Last IM? Eh, got 3 at once.
Last weird encounter? This morning.. I was like, molested by my friend, Tom AND Bill.
Last person you hugged? Havn't hugged anyone in a long while
Last person you yelled at? Myself.
Last time you wore a skirt? Ehmm.. Either my step-sisters wedding last June, but I think theres been something since.
Last time you've been evil? I'm the Goddess of Death. Does this answer?
Sarcastic? Actually, not that often.
Last time you fought with your parents? Oh.. 3 days ago I had a round -round with mom over the anime convention.
Last time you wished upon a star? 12. Damn wish didnt come true.
Played Truth or Dare? Oh.. shit. Years.
Spent quality time alone? Everyday. I have a non-life.
Part 9 -- I swear this is the last one! -- Randomness
Are you talking to someone on AIM? Yeah. One person Im fighting with, and kicking ass, and the other is an Rp going no where.
Do you feel lonely? -.- yes.
Ever TP'd someone's house? Yah! ^_^ It was fun!
How about egging someone's house? Don't think I egged. Peached though.
Do you not like dislike not like me? ^_^ I'sa love ya! ..Who are you?
Ain't Eminem and 50 Cent just fine? Eminem is.
Yo Momma... is fuckin nuts. But, shes mum...
Ever been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you? Person?? No. Maybe the whole of the fridge though.
What do you think of George Bush? I would throughly enjoy beating his face in with a brick. I HATE the man.
Any secret fetishes?Nothing I'm telling you people about.
Do you like to wear chains? Yeah ^_^
How many languages do you speak? English, some Latin, learning Greek..
Damn.. are your fingers tired? Cause mine sure are!: If your fingers are so tired, they why're you doing this??
Glad this is over? ((Say yes and I'll stalk you XP)): If it drug on any longer, the questions would become pointless.
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| Ebay is an Evil Bitch!! |
| 01.20.04 (11:42 pm) [edit] |
;.; Okay.. Life has been fairly dull (minus a few fun things, like Ice skating sunday! ^_^) Nothing exciting or major has happened.
But! I have discovered one of the world great evils. EBAY!! It is out to suck your soul from you through your damned wallet!! :x Over the last 24 hours I have found 3 things I want sooooo badly.. Yet, can only get one! ::cry!::But what I did get is the shit! Its a genuine Roman ring, from about 0-300 AD. Hehehe. Its niiiifty. And I intend to wear it every day as a thumb ring.
<.>
Outside that, I've decided to write a plot and Draw a webcomic!! ^___^ As soon as I get a decent scanner.. and.. webspace... u.u Ug.
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| Real Story/Contorted Story(Caution: Weirdness!!) |
| 01.12.04 (1:44 am) [edit] |
Okay! I've had it with being inactive on my blog! When I do post its some pussy little "oh nothing happened" one. Bullshit on that! Nothing DID happen, but damnit, just for fun I'll tell you the real story of the weekened, then contort it to be funny, unusal, and longer! Not to mention intersting ^_^ So! 'Ere we go!
[LINE]
[b]Real Story[/b]: This weakend started with my getting birds. Two Zebra Finches, brother and sister. They're rather cute, and have recently began to sing. I'm thinking of naming them either Roxane and Cyreno or Calliope and Cyreno. Also, I found the value of closed doors and keeping dipshits out of my room. Not to mention avoiding them. Finally, in anything even remotly sounding intersting, I picked out my new futon sunday. Its nifty.
[LINE]
See? Wasn't that just mind-numbingly boring? So! In the interst of being a jack-off bitch and having fun, heres the contorted version.
[LINE]
[b]Fake Version:[/b] When I came home on Friday from learning the anichent ways of teh Gladiator, and also putting them to use in the Collosium, I'd found two strange feathered things residing in my room. They introduced themselves as aliens from the planet Finch, in the nebula Zebra. Unforutnatly, in the crash which distroryed their craft, and most of Californa, catapulted them here. They needed MY! help to get them to President Nearly-Elected Bush. They had a dreadfully important mission: To travel for millions of moments of Earth time, to bring us the secret of universial harmony. Cyreno, the male winged-thing, while he was talking, had to hold down his sister. She was skizophrnic, having one personaility named Roxane, the other Calliope.
Soon though, I had to lock my door to keep out the evil that had followed the aliens! And my little wooden door stopped the all power evil cold. ^_^ Apparently, he was allergic to work. So he left... Cyreno and Roxane/Calliope tried to leave as well, but I shut them up in a cage and kept them. The universal secret to harmony is MINE damnit! The rest of the filthy planet doesn't deserve it!
Finally, as I made Cyreno and now quite phycotic Roxane/Calliope sing for their paultry seed dinner, I bought a futon. Its nifty.
[LINE]
Now see!? Wasnt that at LEAST intersting, if not funny? (I was going for funny..) However.. Now that I read over that, I'm thinking that I need some pychotic pills myself... <.>
Finally, a small minute but really fucking cool quiz! ^_^ Go take it!
 Enneagram Test Results | Type 1 | Perfectionism | |||||| | 29% | | Type 2 | Helpfulness | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Type 3 | Ambition | |||||||||||| | 42% | | Type 4 | Sensitivity | |||||||||| | 36% | | Type 5 | Detachment | |||||||||||||||| | 64% | | Type 6 | Anxiety | |||||||||||||| | 51% | | Type 7 | Adventurousness | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Type 8 | Aggressiveness | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Type 9 | Calmness | |||||||||||||||||| | 74% | Your Conscious-Surface type is 9w8 Your Unconscious-Overall type is 7w8 | Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
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| A long ass week. |
| 01.10.04 (12:54 am) [edit] |
Ug.. What a week! This past monday started me back in school. That was a cruel enough shock as is, but then something horrid happened monday ( Though I can't remember what it is for the life of me!) Then, Tues, I stood outside for 10 fucking minutes! in 1 degree weather! I was wearing a thin (though warm) jacket and a tank top under it. I was so fucking cold! The damn bus broke down, and if it weren't for nice Chet, I just might'a froze to the sidewalk. Then Weds. rolled around. It was actaully a good day! Anime club was a fun fun thing ^___^ Thurs. was quiet. Then today, Friday, I brought home my [i]birds[/i]!!
They are the cutest thing since... well... I got my fish o.o; But I like them ^^ So far they've been still and quiet, but thats just the transfer shock.. The poor female (as yet un-named) wouldn't hop through to the new cage, so I had to reach in and grab her between my hands... Poor thing, she was terrified. Hope I didnt scar her for life or soemthing.
Anyways... Thats about all.My life is dull ^^; Ja.
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| Tests! |
| 01.05.04 (10:52 pm) [edit] |
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
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