Lately, things have been going fairly well. I'm getting an outstanding creative opertunity that I'm very excited for. I mean, very excited. In just a few days, I'll be graduating High School, finally. I've got my college all lined up, even been accepted and my financal aid all done. I should be flying high and singing. But for some reason, I can't sleep at night. I feel sad right now, and I don't know why. I have about 30 things I should have done today, and all I wanted to do was forget that I had anything at all outside this house. Maybe this is depression? But why, I've never been depressed before.

Maybe its cause is Randi. Her mom has been fighting an aggressive form of cervical cancer for the last year and a half. Lately, the prognosis has been very bad. Linda, her mom, was put on hospice over the weekend, with the message that there was nothing more they could do for her. Linda is too weak for anymore treatments, and she has a myarid of other issues that prevent her from being strong enough to accept therapy. I want to help Randi so badly, but theres nothing I can do, beside be there for her and try to make her laugh. I really don't want Randi to loose Olivia, then her mom within the space of three months.

Olivia. There is a reason in and of herself.  I think about her every day. I miss her every day. Maybe shes the cause of this... whatever it is, depression, I guess.

I... (sigh) I just want to talk to someone, but I can't. They would understand, but I just can't. I hurt so much, and I never let anyone see. I try to be strong for them, especially Randi. She needs me to be strong the most of all, and for her, I will be. I'll just save my hurt for private moments of greif like these. ... Yay, self-sacrifice.