A Sad Metamorphosis

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Mrow
11.24.06 (11:05 pm)   [edit]

So I said I would try and keep this place more updated. Heres me holding good on that. (for once. How many other times have I said that and it hasnt happened?)

 

I had something deep and rather interesting, but it fell out of my head. Kinda sucks, but oh well. If you want deep, go read Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand. THAT will give you a mental mind fuck. It ain't my job. I'm just a blogger, not a novellist. Though I did write a short story I'm proud of, and some of you know the one I mean. Anyway. Great book.. Y'all should read it.

 

As for whats going on in my life, some major changes are about to take place. I'm getting ready to leave my current boyfriend for the guy in St. Louis- Shaun. I'm excited about what we'll have (and are already lucky enough to have). But I'm sad for my current boy... I don't want to kill him or his emotions, just... not be with him anymore. I won't tell him about my pending relationship, in interest of that, unless he asks. I won't lie to him. It DOES feel like I'm with a good friend, which is a weird feeling.  We get along well enough... it just lacks that intensity and that bond that Shaun and I have. I also won't cheat on my current boy, which includes saying certain phrases. (Of course, some argue that if you want to say them, then you've already betrayed him in your heart. Which I can see... But the overt ACT of willingly disreguarding his feelings and what we currently have... I just can't do it. It doesnt feel right or good. No matter HOW MUCH I want too...)

 

I'm preparing for my first go-round of college finals. Eep! I'm kinda nervous, but I'm confidant I can pull it off with flying colors. Blargh. Whatever. I'll deal with it in stride, like I always have done and always will do.

 

That is all. Engage! (yay Star Trek: TNG... Yes, I am the Queen of the Dorks) 
 
Growl
11.14.06 (12:00 am)   [edit]
So, I died here again. whats new with that? (I do apologize to Whisper- I have no excuse, and just hope you forgive me)

But I am back to complain again! Again, whats new?

So I'm in a relationship with a guy in my school, and things are pretty good. everything happened obscenely fast, but thats how it goes sometimes, and I'm not unhappy. But I do have some complaints that have started to bother me, and I hope that once I vent them here, they'll stop bothering me.

The largest problem is that hes in a frat. More than that, hes PLEDGING to a frat. So all I hear about is the brothers, or the latest drama concerning the brothers. I am SO SICK of it. And lets not forget he plays the "Let's All Ignore Nikki Around My Brothers" game. I feel like I should be inducted as an honorary member for having to listen to everything. More than that, it feels like he has another woman in his life- it takes up that much time. And while I love having space... it feels like I have to share him with another woman. and that bothers me for obvious reasons.

Beyond that, (and speaking of space) he gives me little to none. I sleep beside him almost every night, and see him every day. Its getting to feel like I'm married to the kid. which is WIERD. So I think something is going to have to change there, and soon. Beause its starting to get old, and I'm starting to fall into the same old trap I ususaly do and thats get sick of my boyfriends. I am starting to get sick of him. The way he rants on and on, for literally a half hour PER TOPIC annoys me. The way that, while ranting, he compeletly ignores what I say. The way he repeats himself indefinatly annoys the crap outta me. He paces. He is moody. He doesn't like shaving his face, yet gives me shit at the least stubble on my legs. He whines and complains.

But thats really the only things that are bothering me, and most arn't things I can change. For all that, I am pretty happy with him. He treats me well, respects me (mostly) and when I really needed him, he almost litterally came running to me. he even dropped what he was doing with his frat to come to me. I felt loved that day, and do every day I see him. We have a good thing, all and all, and I do love him.

I think that partly the reason all this is starting to bother me is because, recently, I've been given a very tempting offer from another man. Note, not guy but man. Hes 26, and very handsome and we click well together. Its not the goofy best-friend kind of click my boy and I have, but more of an adult level thing. when I talk with im, it doesnt feel like a college relationship... I dunno. He lives back home, and I'm here in Miami so I doubt anything will happen. But over winter break...? I dunno. We'll see hw it goes.. I'll try to be alive here more often and keep this blog more up to date.