Hola once again. Time for the periodic draining of my head onto random white space. Yay. Try to enjoy.
So, whats new with me? In my last post, I left off with that I was going to leave my current boyfriend, for a man in St. Lous. Well, that went down back in late november. I've been (formally) with Shaun ever since. Things are going quite well. Very well. As a matter of fact, I do believe I've found the man I want to marry. Which is crazy, I know! I'm 19, a freshman in college. How could I, of all people, presume to know what I want for the rest of my life at such a young age? The best answer I can provide is: Magic. When the person your with can make a bad day good, and you grant them the power to make a good day bad. When that certain someone can make you feel alive, vibrantly alive, through conversation... When they have magic with you, you know. At least, thats the logic I'm sticking with. And no, I'm not saying that we're getting engaged tomarrow, just that he is the one I want, when the time is appropriate.
So why can't I sleep tonight, and why am I writing a silly blog post at 3:30 AM? Well, I am bothered by the fact that I do not have a home. No, really. I have places I live, but they arn't somewhere I can curl up on the couch and really belong. I refuse to be at home in my mother's house any longer... As a matter of fact, I'd rather call a small cardboard box home- and have it REALLY be home- than call that place home again. Miami, where I'm in college at, is most definatly not home, because I belong here like an elephant belongs in the ocean. And I had plans to live with Shaun this summer (or possibly longer, depending on a few things... Neither here nor there!) either in a room he was renting, or in his parent's house. That would have been home- I could have belonged there. But due to money issues and sundry other things, it looks like I won't be living with him. I'm not going to lie and say I'm not disappointed, or that I didn't really want to live with him anyway... No, I am disappointed- not that he is saving money and keeping an eye on his somewhat-ill father- but that I won't have a home with him this summer and that I'll remain homeless for another year, or more. I am disappointed, and I am sad about that. But it isnt the end of the world. I will be fine. Come summer, I'll make due, like any good vagabond- go from place to place, and move on when I must. I'll "live" at my mother's house, but I won't hardly ever be there. If I could get an apartment for 3 months, I would. That could be a home- someplace I am proud of, even if it were the size of a breadbox. It would be mine, and I would belong there.
So. Thats about all I had on my mind right now. Just wanted to A- update this place, and B- get all this off my chest. Maybe I'll be able to sleep now? Maybe. At least I'm not upset over Olivia; I would never get sleep then. But, for now, I think I'll be okay to crash. Hopefully. Otherwise, I'll be a tired little girl in the AM. Oh well.
.... The thing thats really funny about this post is that I'm probably wrong and over-reacting. Nothing is set in stone yet with Shaun and moving in with him. But I just have a sneaking suspescion thats how it'll go down. Oh well! Another post when I know for sure. Keep it real, yo.
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