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Blargh
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posted by: 69whisper (reply) post date: 03.01.07 (11:10 am) good to see you back here. what was the topic by the way ? |
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I'm feeling rather blue, today and just in general. Had a really hard conversation with Shaun last night, and that may have a lot of something to do with it. He asks hard questions about topics that are sensitive. In all honesty, I do not mind having these conversations that sting, or even hurt. On some level, I love it, because no one has ever respected me, or been interested enough, to even think to ask. Or, my friends, who don't to know. But where I do have a problem is when he doesn't know when enough is enough- that the conversation has cut too deeply, or has begun to hurt too much. Normally, during these difficult talks, he picks up on that line of 'Enough'... But, last night, he didn't... And I had end the topic by saying that "I don't want to talk about this anymore tonight". And that killed me to tell him, because he deserves better then that. I felt absolutely awful for it, but I really couldn't talk about it anymore. I was at the point of being so confused that I hardly knew what I was saying. And... I don't know. I'm just down and out, and confused and sad. The topic from last night is weighing heavily on my mind and my heart. I don't want to think about it, because that makes it worse. But I must, and I must decide where I stand. But god, I just feel like sitting down and crying. Not in the helpless 'Why Me, God?' sort of way- but rather, the sad, overwhelmed way. It wouldnt solve anything, and thats the only things thats preventing that.
I need Shaun here. Or to be there. Like, really.