|
How hard they die
Cheat codes for growing up. +1 to Maturity! |
 Blog For Free! Archives Home 2008 March 2007 October 2007 April 2007 February 2007 January 2006 November 2006 August 2006 July 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2005 December 2005 September 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2004 November 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2003 December 2003 November My Links Randi's Blog! Moogle's Blog GanjaMan's Blog Minty's Blog Ludacre's Blog GW: Babble Anime Music Video.Org Dragon Shadows tBlog My Profile Send tMail My tFriends My Images Sponsored Blog 
|
|
|
So, sometimes I still scare myself. Especially with old habits that are hard to break under the best of circumstances and SO easy to relapse into under the worst. To make this brief, for the past 5 or 6 years, I have been struggling with anorexia. But, it has not been an issue for the past 3 or so. I never went to a therapist or anything like that. I simply recognized that I had a problem and, after a lot of soul searching, that this problem wasn't solving anything. In fact, it was making things quite a bit worse. So, I took steps to correct it. I began making myself eat more, and work out less. Little increments at a time, with painful relapses. It was hard, hard work... But for the last year and half or so, (mind you, thats a year and half of nearly always conscious effort)it has been getting much easier, almost normal.
Then, early this month, I began a medication that would solve migraine-associated severe pains that I have (called Ice Pick, or thunderclap pains... Google it). The medication represses my appetite and simply allows me to forget that I am hungry. I noticed this side effect early on, and it had not been a problem. Simply more vigilance, and eating when I didn't feel hungry. But oh, how easy the anorexia popped up again... When things started getting hard down here, or I felt I had fucked up on a grand scale somehow, I took control back, or punished myself with allowing myself to not eat. Mind you, this was not a conscious decision. It is a disease, and it is not easy to deal with. But, once again, I had not eaten for 2 days, with the exception of a liter of water and a small thing of yogurt. I lost 5 pounds, from my 110, 5'6"... It was noticeable, and not acceptable.
Old habits die hard, it the morel of this lesson. Never think they're gone completely... I've learned my lesson.